WEEN, ranked

There is a game I sometimes like to play. I ask myself: what if I remove this one song from a given album, will it improve the overall quality? In these dream scenarios, you get In The Court Of The Crimson King without "Moonchild". Led Zeppelin III without "Hats Off To (Roy) Harper". OK Computer minus "Fitter Happier". Would you really argue that those changes do not constitute an improvement? And is there an album in the world that would not get better with some minor pruning (for the record, yes, there is a handful of such albums)? 

You might think Ween would be a great candidate for this game. You might think that each one of their albums features a failed experiment or a worthless dick joke that should never have seen the light of day. Oddly enough, Ween renders the game completely irrelevant. Take "Candi" out of Chocolate And Cheese, and some ridiculous yet vital balance is disrupted. Obviously, "Candi" is a silly joke, an uneventful mess, and yet it feels essential to the whole idea of this band. In a way, Ween's heart is spread evenly between "Candi" and, say, "A Tear For Eddie".

Their studio output started with the wild, hilarious screams of "You Fucked Up" and ended with the slick, smart "Your Party", and despite the  maddening diversity and the large body or work in between, Ween have always felt like this one clever unit of a band, unbothered by register and willing to take any genre in the world and make it their own. In a live show, they would do "Mister Would You Please Help My Pony" and follow it up with the beautiful, earnest cover of "All Of My Love". There would be no contradiction in that. 

Ween are mostly Gene and Dean Ween - the former is a vocalist of a million voices and the latter is one hell of a guitar player.

10. Pure Guava (1992)

This is an early one that features song titles like "Flies On My Dick" and "Touch My Tooter". It sounds that way, too, amateurish and deliberately dumb, besides being their first album for the major label (Elektra). A lot of joke songs and dicking around going on here, and don't even think of making it your first experience of Ween, but when you dig deeper, you will be rewarded with a few flashes of songwriting brilliance ("Little Birdy", "Don't Get 2 Close (2 My Fantasy)"). They simply couldn't help themselves.

Best song: "Don't Get 2 Close (2 My Fantasy)"

9. The Pod (1991)

This sounds a lot like Good Ween Satan: The Oneness, only darker and somehow... even murkier. The crazy thing is that underneath the overall silliness, there is a great band very much enjoying themselves. "Dr. Rock" rocks, "Pork Roll Egg & Cheese" has the sweetest melody in the world and every time Gene Ween screams "Sketches Of Winkle" I can't help thinking about Roger Daltry singing "Pictures Of Lily". I can't say I enjoy listening to The Pod (for the record, the cover is a parody of Leonard Cohen's 1975 compilation), but I find it genuinely unsettling and ever intriguing. 

Best song: "Dr. Rock"

8. God Ween Satan: The Oneness (1990)

This album greets you with one hell of a warm welcome. After a brief announcement, a few seconds of silence and a brittle drum rhythm, you get Gene Ween shouting "You fucked up, you bitch, you really fucked up!" into your face. What follows is a bunch of one-minute outbursts (plus a couple of 9-minute jams) that tackle various genres and moods. The production values are low, but the fun and the energy levels more than make up for that. Also, there is a song titled "Mushroom Festival In Hell", and it probably sounds like one, too.

Best song: "You Fucked Up"

7. 12 Golden Country Greats (1996)

This was an interesting detour for the band. After Chocolate And Cheese (which many people consider their best album), the band moved to Nashville to record a country album. Of course, Ween being Ween, they recorded the absolutely greatest pure country album in the world. They brought the edge to it, a few new voices from Gene Ween and almost no dick jokes. Tight, catchy and a lot of fun - with a touch of real heartbreak in the closing ballad "Fluffy". 

Best song: "Help Me Scrape The Mucus Off My Brain"

6. La Cucaracha (2007)

Back when this album was released, I was already a fan. I remember that for weeks and perhaps months they had been promising a really brown album, and this is what we got. La Cucaracha was, once again, a great exercise in taking a genre (pop punk, piano balladry, smooth jazz, soul, etc.) and writing a song in it. The results were a little patchier than expected ("Spirit Walker" is unforgivably bland, and I have little use for "Learnin' To Love" after 12 Golden Country Greats), and many fans were disappointed, but there is simply too much good material here to ignore. "Woman And Man" is a prog rock epic with some great guitar workout from Dean, "Object" is a lovely folksy ballad with ominous lyrics and "Your Party" creates the sort of atmosphere I could die in.

Best song: "Your Party"

5. Shinola: Vol.1 (2005)

Shinola: Vol.1 is a superior collection of rarities and outtakes. I'm sure they could release a much longer collection (it is actually criminal that the following volumes have never materialised), but the quality of songs here is up there with Ween's best albums. "Do You See Me" reminds me of prime Pink Floyd. "Monique The Freak" sounds better than anything I've ever heard from Prince. "Someday" would have graced a classic Ween album like Quebec. "Gabrielle", my favourite, is a pumping rocker with a terrific guitar solo and one of their catchiest choruses. Crazily but also typically, early outtakes sound better than the albums they were rejected from.

Best song: "Gabrielle"

4. Chocolate And Cheese (1994)

This is the first major album by the band. A sprawling 16-song album tackling almost every genre in existence and not once sounding faceless or derivative. Somehow, the genius of Ween has always been to own the genres they handle. So if they do sunshine pop ("Roses Are Free"), they do it with utter conviction. If they do a Funkadelic-styled jam ("A Tear For Eddie"), Dean Ween comes up with a Maggot Brain-sized guitar solo. And if it is a revenge tale that you want, done in a spaghetti-western style, then "Buenas Tardes Amigo" will squeeze the absolute maximum out of the obvious genre limitations. It is not a perfect album, but, again, remove the bizarre "Spinal Meningitis (Got Me Down)" from the track list, and the whole thing might crumble. 

Best song: "What Deaner Was Talkin' About"

3. Quebec (2003)

Quebec is one of the band's more serious albums, with its 'brown' moments feeling a little uninspired - if not downright forced. Thus, whereas I can take on "So Many People In The Neighborhood" without any difficulty, I really have no use for "The Fucked Jam" in between the perfect pop of "I Don't Want It" and the moody guitar soundscape "Alcan Road". Still, like I said in the introduction, you can't be a Ween fan and expect them to forego "The Fucked Jam". Quebec is a brilliant album, with heady power pop ("Transdermal Celebration"), propulsive Motorhead-styled hard rock ("It's Gonna Be A Long Night") and the anthemic finale of such magnitude, you could be excused for thinking they may have been entirely serious there. Also, the music of "Zoloft" captures its title perfectly.

Best song: "The Argus"

2. White Pepper (2000)

What is this - a 12-song Ween album with little to no juvenalia and just great music? But that's what White Pepper really was. A play on the names of two legendary Beatles albums and melodies to match that. The diversity has not gone anywhere, of course, and the Caribbean-styled "Bananas And Blow" just about transcends everything you may have heard in that genre. "Stay Forever" is pop perfection. "Falling Out" is criminally catchy. And the gorgeous "Flutes Of Chi" has one of my favourite guitar solos ever. An absolute classic of an album.

Best song: "Flutes Of Chi"

1. The Mollusk (1997)   

This was the album that made me a fan twenty or so years ago. Unlike most other Ween LPs, The Mollusk always felt to me like a collection of songs all serving one purpose. The Mollusk is not exactly a progressive rock album (there are hints, though), but it sustains the same mood - that of the deep green you can see on the cover - all the way through. Interestingly, they pull it off regardless of the fact that in the course of this album they do foul-mouthed sea shanties, underwater polka and, yes, the obligatory novelty number. A masterful album - so masterful, in fact, that you will be tricked into thinking adult contemporary is not the most worthless genre imaginable. But that is the power of Ween.

Best song: "Mutilated Lips"

2025: Top Ten

Musically, 2025 was just another year. Mid, as kids today would say. Which does not mean, of course, that any of these ten albums are anything less than excellent. 

10. Cold Specks - Light For The Midnight 

It saddens me that nobody noticed this album. In all fairness, I did not notice this album either, and only heard it two months after its very low-key release. While Light Of Midnight does not reach the artistic heights of Neuroplasticity, it is definitely an improvement on the somewhat middling Fool's Paradise. She is a very special talent with a knack for a soulful melody and a real personality to back it up. Fantastic voice, too.

Best song: "How It Feels"

9. Luke Haines & Peter Buck - Going Down To The River... To Blow My Mind

They keep churning them out, Luke Haines and Peter Buck. Looks like they enjoy each other's company, and if this results in albums as good as this, then so be it. Going Down To The River is my least favourite of the three collaborations, but this is still full of Haines' sinister melodic wit and Peter Buck's tasteful guitar freakouts. Excellent rock album.

Best song: "56 Nervous Breakdowns"

8. Black Country, New Road - Forever Howlong

I was at their show back in October 2023 where they presented a few of these songs. During the concert, they sounded like the best thing in the world. In their final studio form, however, the songs feel a little too self-conscious and clever for their own good. Still, the talent (vocal, songwriting, instrumental) involved here is incredible. Really, other than the faceless title song, this is great: twisted, inventive, and extremely rewarding.

Best song: "Two Horses"

7. Patrick Wolf - Crying The Neck

This was Patrick's first album in 14 years, and aside from the glowing review in Quietus, I did not see much love for it. A shame. There is actually a part of me that thinks Crying The Neck is his most consistent album ever. Perhaps it does not have the fantastic peaks of "Paris" or "The Magic Position", but each one of these 13 songs has something to offer. Charismatic chamber pop, steeped in folk music, mystical lyricism and the man's unfading melodic sensibilities.

Best song: "Jupiter"

6. Neko Case - Neon Grey Midnight Green

Again, I'm shocked to see that so few reputable publications included Neon Grey Midnight Green in their end-of-year lists. Because if not for a couple of somewhat uneventful songs in the middle (sometimes she taps into country music a little too much for my liking), this could easily be in my top 5. Side one is some of her best music ever, and she goes so effortlessly from the Laurie Anderson-inspired "Tomboy Gold" to the intense, driving second half of the title song. One of the best singer-songwriters in business.

Best song: "Winchester Mansion Of Sound"

5. The Delines - Mr. Luck & Ms. Doom

This is such an accomplished, immaculate album that you almost take it for granted. The Delines found that sweet spot back in 2014 with the classic debut album and have been doing the same thing for more than ten years now. And it just works. Mr. Luck & Ms. Doom is soulful, classy Americana that is equally charming and heart-breaking. Their best music since the aforementioned Colfax.

Best song: "Maureen's Gone Missing"

4. Stereolab - Instant Holograms On Metal Film

I will have to admit that Stereolab had always been a band I respected rather than loved, but this latest album, their first after a 15-year hiatus, is pure aural joy. It's hard to pin them down in terms of genre (krautrock, indie-pop, post-rock, chamber pop - it's all in here), but does it even matter? What matters is that these songs are full of hooks, personality, style and sometimes the French language. 

Best song: "Aerial Troubles"

3. Geese - Getting Killed

The amount of sheer euphoria on this album is truly staggering. I used to be an ardent agnostic when it comes to Geese (their first albums did not impress me, and neither did the acclaimed solo record by Cameron Winter), but Getting Killed finally won me over. Adventurous, hook-filled rock music that works even when it shouldn't ("Half Real") and simply blows me away with that final two-song punch. I can't wait to hear what they do next.

Best song: "Taxes"

2. Rober Forster - Strawberries

Robert Forster is one of the best songwriters around, still. I was underwhelmed by the leading single (title song), which seemed a little too cutesy and Lovin' Spoonful-lite to me, but the moment "Tell It Back To Me" started playing, I got my album of the year (almost). So much personality in these melodies, so much class in these lyrics. 

Best song: "Tell It Back To Me"

1. Pulp - More

Pulp came back in style, but how else? You couldn't really expect that Jarvis Cocker would not bring the songs. More is playful, infectious and full of nostalgia that doesn't grate. I do not yet know how it compares to their classic three (let's wait and see), but this definitely met my expectations and had, in "Tina" and especially "Grown-Ups", some of their greatest songs ever. 

Best song: "Grown-Ups"

***

Song of the Year.

Quite a few candidates, but in the end it was simply impossible to look past this:

Яшчэ раз пра кнігі

Канец года, і добрая нагода яшчэ раз дадаць спасылкі на мае кнігі, якія па-ранейшаму можна набыць у варшаўскіх крамах, а таксама ў інтэрнэце.

Першая кніга, "Жыццё ў дванаццаці апавяданнях": 

https://knihauka.com/pravalocki

Другая кніга, "Цягнік да Познаня": 

https://gutenbergpublisher.eu/shop/ciahnik/

Ну і вось водгук ад Сяргея Дубаўца, які, як мне падаецца, добра перадае атмасферу і сутнасць кнігі.

Film review: ANNIVERSARY by Jan Komasa

Jan Komasa really took a gamble here. Anniversary is his first film released outside Poland, and for his English-language debut he chose to go all in. Well, maybe not all in, but it certainly takes guts to exploit the current state of American society with a political psychodrama. Audacious would be an understatement. 

The film got little to no promotion from Lionsgate studios which feared Anniversary would prove too controversial. This is sad for two reasons. First, the film is likely to end up being a box office flop. Secondly, it is a really powerful cinematic experience, one that will haunt you long after the end credits.

It will not flop in Poland, however. Polish people love their heroes, and a relatively young filmmaker doing it in the US (and Great Britain, too; Komasa's second film, The Good Boy, is coming out in 2026) will not go unnoticed. The cinema hall in Wroclaw where I watched it a little while ago was anything but empty. The audience was buzzing excitedly at the start of the screening, and left limping and downtrodden, haunted and traumatised. It is that kind of film.

And yet it is exactly what you would expect from Jan Komasa. If you have seen Hater or Corpus Christi, you have to realise that the bleakness will be gripping and the smiles will be compromised. Gripping is the word here. For all its darkness and ever-impending gloom, Anniversary is extremely watchable. Partly this is due to exemplary acting (Diane Lane, Kyle Chandler, Dylan O'Brien, Phoebe Dynevor - they all excel) and partly due to the meticulous, smart direction. 

Oddly, the trailer almost makes it seem like a horror film - but it isn't, or at the very least the horror is manifested in a different way. We start with a close-up of Elizabeth Nettles, a young woman who is about to be introduced to her boyfriend's parents at their 25th anniversary party. She is carefully practicing exactly what she is about to say. Because there is a past: she used to be a student of her boyfriend's mother, a radical one, with some hair-raising views of democracy. What soon transpires is that she has actually written a book about the future of America, and the cult following soon becomes reality. The whole thing unfolds in a gradual but totally relentless way. Like a heavy train that just won't stop. It is a chilling, absolutely brutal experience. But God you cannot look away. 

Anniversary tackles a lot of things, and some could say that it tries to handle way too much for a film under 120 minutes. There is a difficult question of modern-day academia. Conformism. Democracy. US politics. Family dynamics (there is a particular Thanksgiving Party scene that is some of the tensest and unbearable filmmaking I have seen in a while). However, I would argue that the film deals with all of those issues quite well, and manages to weave them all into one coherent narrative. The most common issue raised by American critics is that the film does not take sides. Which is interesting. Not in the sense that it does actually take sides (it does not), but in the sense that it is viewed as a flaw (and this, I believe, is where we come to the very line that separates Hollywood from European cinema).

There is no moment of respite here, though, not for one second. It is just this one ruthless onslaught, and maybe I do miss a little humour (I don't mean jokes), a little heart - sometimes Anniversary may feel a little too slick and calculated, a little too perfectly conceived and executed. After the first fifteen minutes of the film, the only genuine smile you see in the film comes from Josh (Dylan O'Brien), Elizabeth's boyfriend and future husband. But it is the kind of smile that will fry your nerves and fill you with utter hate. 

P.S. Also, just for the record, "Don't Dream It's Over" truly is one of the finest pop songs ever written.

On The Stone Roses' Debut

Each time that I want to write about The Stone Roses' legendary debut, something gets in the way (lack of time, mostly). So I think I will just do it now, finally, a few days after the death of Gary "Mani" Mounfield. Because even though I have never been a fan, this was shocking, tragic and so really uncalled for. 

The Stone Roses has the mystique that cannot be denied. It is a statement of intent, a big send-off to the 80s. It is a self-contained world. It effortlessly mixes beautiful guitar melodies with sonic grandiosity. It is conservative and also wildly experimental. Really, so much of 90s music in Britain would not have happened without it (I'm not passing any judgement here, just stating the obvious). Critics loved it, as did the audiences. In fact, they loved it to the extent that the second album never stood a chance. 

And yet... I never quite bought into the mystique. Do not get me wrong, I like this album. I just never got the adoration (no pun intended). John Leckie, the album's producer, once spoke about how The Stone Roses was conceived as a perfect album. Just look at the way the whole thing is structured: you start with a classic opener ("I Wanna Be Adored") and end with a huge sprawling epic ("I Am The Resurrection"). And there is indeed something about the concept and the idea of this album that is grand and self-important and also a little... overreaching. You would not know it from the beginning, though. A beautiful rumble, then cleverly constructed guitar build-up and then Ian Brown singing the classic opening line (truly, one of the best opening lines in history): 

I don't have to sell my soul

He's already in me

It really is a magical moment, and it is all the more painful that nothing that follows even comes close. I would expect fireworks after this, but nothing here lives up to that initial blast. Already the next song, "She Bangs The Drums" is little more than an unremarkable, if catchy, pop-rocker. I'd rather take "Waterfall" that follows - with a jangly groove and a timeless vocal melody. Next comes... "Waterfall" again. Only this time it is played backwards and bears the title "Don't Stop". It is an artistic choice so bizarre, it is actually quite brilliant. "Don't Stop" is a subdued psychedelic experiment that works.

Following that, the album settles into its confident proto-Britpop rhythm that is only broken once by the short acoustic ballad "Elizabeth My Dear" that rips off, quite unapologetically, the melody of "Scarborough Fair". Nothing on side two feels like a major highlight, but "Made Of Stone" does manage to stick out due to the superior melody and John Squire's flashy guitar solo. Regrettably, I have never been in love with the closing "I Am The Resurrection" that starts as a pleasant enough pop-rocker and ends with a lovely guitar freakout. Nothing about it justifies its title, though, and that encapsulates my main issue with this album: it is great all right - but does it really sound that great to someone not caught up in the Manchester craze of 1989? Does the actual songwriting warrant the 'adoration', the 'resurrection', the 'second coming'?

Sometimes I do get this urge to crack the mystique. Once in a while, I put this album on, and God knows it always blows me away for a few minutes or so. Sadly, it rarely, if ever, goes beyond that.  

COCTEAU TWINS, ranked

Cocteau Twins recorded the kind of music you discover late at night, those rich and blissful and mysterious textures that envelope you and leave you speechless. You do not know what she is singing about most of the time, but ultimately it does not even matter. Songs like "Lorelei" or "Cico Buff" do not need to be decoded to remain transfixing, beguiling, utterly stupendous. 

Cocteau Twins's sound was defined by gorgeous guitar freakouts by Robin Guthrie ("Musette And Dreams", already perfect, is capped off by one of the most astonishing guitar solos in existence), otherworldly vocals by Elizabeth Fraser (how does one even begin to describe those?) and clever bass runs by Simon Raymonde (check out "Cicely", for example).

One of the most unique bands in history, they created their own sound and stuck to it until the very end. They never recorded a bad album, and their extensive EP collection Lullabies To Violaine is absolutely essential. They disbanded in late 90s due to inner turmoil, leaving behind one of the most consistent discographies I know of. They were everything that band name suggests, and more.

8. Four-Calendar Cafe (1993)

Like I said in the introduction, Cocteau Twins never released a bad album. This, though, was the closest they came to losing a bit of their identity. You would not know it from the first song, though, the dreamy (I have a feeling this is going to be the most abused word in these reviews) and achingly beautiful "Know Who You Are At Every Age". The melody is otherworldly and could fit into any of the Twins' classic albums. Other highlights include the single "Evangeline" and the closing "Pur" that wakes up from its slumber after two-minute mark and brings back the lushness and the energy of that old magic. Overall, though, while I love the sound, this feels a little diluted and uninspired after the masterpiece that was Heaven Or Las Vegas. 

Best song: "Know Who You Are At Every Age"

7. Milk And Kisses (1996)

After the relative disappointment of Four-Calendar Cafe, the band's final album was a welcome, if slight, return to form. There was more energy this time, more drive, more meat to the melodies. No, it does not have the touch of genius that was all over their 80s/early 90s albums, but you do get a few glimpses. The guitar that underpins "Serpentskirt", for instance, or Liz's vocal inflections in "Seekers Who Are Lovers" have the sort of mystique that evokes albums like Treasure and Blue Bell Knoll. The two unispited classics here are "Tishbite" and "Rilkean Heart". Plus, I'm also very partial to the heavenly "Half-Gifts" that would almost sound like a normal waltz had it been recorded by someone other than Cocteau Twins.

Best song: "Rilkean Heart"

6. Garlands (1982)

If you want to find an album in Cocteau Twins' catalogue that did not come completely out of nowhere but had some strong contemporary influences, then that album would be the debut. While Garlands still sounds unique, it is seriously indebted to the goth-punk of Siouxsie & The Banshees. You see the unnerving cover, you notice the title of the first song ("Blood Bitch"), and you think you know what to expect. Well, not entirely. Because underneath it all, you get the sonic textures that are both beautiful and deeply disturbing. There is a density to their sound that is still a little lacking in confidence - but in few months this will be fixed. The highlights include "Wax And Wane", "Blind Dumb Deaf" and the title song. 

Best song: "Wax And Wane"

5. Victorialand (1986)

Every Cocteau Twins album is a world to get lost in, and Victorialand taking that concept to absolute limits. There are times when I listen to this album and can't even tell one song from another. That is not a criticism, however. The songs are good, if perhaps a little more relaxing and less hook-filled this time (well, the hooks are there but they are less obvious this time around). It is like the cover suggests: incomprehensible yet utterly beautiful. Dreamy to the extent of hypnotism. As a side not, this was not the only Cocteau Twins associated album released in 1986. There was also a collaboration with the ambient artist Harold Budd titled The Moon And The Melodies. It is credited to Budd, Fraser, Guthrie and Raymonde, and all I can say is that the Cocteau part of it is excellent. 

Best songs: "Lazy Calm" (but that may be because it comes first)

4. Head Over Heels (1983)

Head Over Heels ends with "Musette And Drums", and I have long considered it to be among the greatest sonic experiences I've had in my life. It is just so intense, so dense, so powerful that my response to it is almost physiological. There are shivers, tears, nervous laughter. There is of course no way Head Over Heels can all be like that, but the first half comes very close. While Garlands could be accused of a certain lack of originality, this was the album that put them on the map. You could probably discern that there are ballads ("Sugar Hiccup") and rockers ("In My Angelhood") here, but really, by 1983 this became completely irrelevant. Not when the music is this strange and idiosyncratic. And while the second side can not hope to scale those height again, it absolutely destroys me with the final song.

Best song: "Musette And Drums" (see below)

3. Blue Bell Knoll (1988)

Now the next three are all pretty much immaculate. I do not believe any of them features a song I find in the least bit underwhelming. Blue Bell Knoll (the title is based on an old British legend that says the death will take you the moment you hear the blue bell's knoll) is different from Victorialand in the sense that there is more drive and energy to the songs. "Carolyn's Fingers" was a relative / deserved hit and would be a good place to start exploring the bizarre and wonderful world of Cocteau Twins. With its melody and an array of vocal hooks (Liz was always good at those), its appeal is undeniable. Stuff like the intensely dreamy "Athol-brose" or the oddly anthemic closer "Ella Megalast Burls Forever" (oh those song titles) is just as good, though. 

Best song: "Carolyn's Fingers"

2. Heaven Or Las Vegas (1990)

Preferring Treasure to Heaven Or Las Vegas is similar to choosing The Dreaming over Hounds Of Love. The latter albums are more accomplished and universally beloved, but the former ones have something extra to them, some special ingredient (call it magic, call it a spell) that pushes them beyond the limits of humanly possible perfection. And Heaven Or Las Vegas is perfect. It is masterfully composed and produced, and does not have a single misplaced note. I love it to bits. When I listen to songs like "Cherry-Coloured Funk" and "Iceblink Luck", I'm transported to a different dimension with such effortless ease it is actually frightening. You know how after a few glasses of wine you can lie down and feel your head spinning away. It is not actually a pleasant feeling. When Cocteau Twins do it, however, you never want to leave that state.

Best song: "Iceblink Luck"

1. Treasure (1984)

Really, the only thing wrong about Heaven Or Las Vegas is that Treasure was just... a little better. From the mesmerising acoustic rhythm and Liz's angelic vocals of "Ivo" and all the way to the majestic choir and sonic grandiosity of "Donimo", listening to this album is like walking through an enchanted forest and loving every second of it. I don't know what else to say about it, really. Treasure is a fucking masterpiece, and one of the strangest and most beautiful albums ever recorded. 

Best song: "Lorelei" 

LED ZEPPELIN, ranked

I have come full circle with Led Zeppelin. Back when I started listening to them, at the age of 14 or 15, I thought it was all about the fourth album. The untitled one. The classic one. The one with "Stairway To Heaven" on it. Later, I became more of a tedious purist and started to believe they never really improved on their debut. Later, that choice started to bore me and I went for the more hardcore and uncompromising second album. But even that was not enough, and soon I was in with the hipster crowd claiming the third album was the one with the best tunes. After which, somewhat inevitably, I realised that it was Physical Graffiti all along, that long, sprawling double album that was as patchy as it was powerful. Physical Graffiti was the cool choice. Now, though, I have come full circle. 

The thing about Led Zeppelin is that the music worked despite limitations. They stole their riffs from old blues musicians (or perhaps 'appropriated' is the right word?) They wrote inane Tolkien-lite lyrics (Ian Anderson once claimed that with his lyrics and Led Zeppelin's music they could be a great rock'n'roll band). They had a singer who could be obnoxious without even trying too hard (and sometimes he did try very, very hard). And yet, in spite of everything, they were among the very best. Jimmy Page was perhaps the greatest guitar player ever. They were all superior musicians, in fact, and the music oozed so much power and conviction they could almost trick you into believing "The Ocean" was a great song. They were so good, actually, that George Harrison once wanted to join them. 

9. Coda (1982)

This is by no means a controversial opinion. Coda was a bad album that was only released to fulfil contractual obligations. What saves it (kind of) is that it was not even a proper studio LP, but just a collection of outtakes from various points of the band's career. And they were all outtakes for a reason; there is not a single song here that would have improved an album they were culled from. Coda is plodding and uninspired, with only a couple of flashes of goodness (not even greatness). "Poor Tom" is a decent folk tune from Led Zeppelin III sessions, "We're Gonna Groove" is an okay cover and "Bonzo's Montreau" is an entertaining drum solo - but its only achievement, really, is that it is better than "Moby Dick".

Best song: "Poor Tom"

8. Presence (1976)

I have never felt comfortable saying that Presence is the worst Led Zeppelin album (nobody counts Coda, do they?). It features a famous Hipgnosis cover. It opens with the band's greatest song. It ends with a classic epic ballad. According to Jimmy Page (never trust an artist when they speak about their own work), this was the band at their peak. However, there's just no getting away from it: Presence is a bit of a mess. Yes, "Achilles Last Stand" is an awe-inspiring epic that never gets boring for a second during its ten and a half minutes. And yes, the sprawling, bluesy "Tea For One" is a worthy successor of "Since I've Been Loving You". I will also admit that "Nobody's Fault But Mine" succeeds through sheer force and oomph. But that's it, really. The rest ranges from awful to mediocre cock rock, and at some point you will be excused to think the shivers that went down your spine at the start of "Achilles Last Stand" were just an illusion.

Best song: "Achilles Last Stand"

7. In Through The Out Door (1979) 

While the reputation of Led Zeppelin's last album (nobody counts Coda, do they?) has never been especially great, it has always struck me as a very solid release. There are no embarrassments here, the kind you could expect from a 60s band approaching the 80s. "In The Evening", while overlong, features a timeless riff. The piano-based "South Bound Suarez" (written by Plant and John Paul Jones) is a lot of fun. The playful "Fool In The Rain" is hardly a triumph (the fast tropical part in the middle does not quite work for me) but the power and the mystique are still there. The country western "Hot Dog" is pure filler, but I love everything that follows. The epic "Carouselambra" is not great but I always find myself enjoying all 10 minutes of it, down to the disco ending. "All My Love" is one of their greatest and most touching ballads (Plant's ode to his son who had recently passed away). And the closing "I'm Gonna Crawl" is an undisputed classic, with a great guitar solo and a true claim to being one of Led Zeppelin's best songs.

Best song: "I'm Gonna Crawl"

6. Led Zeppelin II (1969)

While these days I consider the band's second album to be the weakest of the classic six (the production is muddy and murky and almost hides John Paul Jones' brilliant bass playing), I still think it is essential. Or, rather, parts of it. Led Zeppelin II starts very strongly: "Whole Lotta Love" is an experimental orgasmic rocker ("orgasmic" in every sense of the word, in fact) and "What Is And What Should Never Be" is one of their strongest ballads. "The Lemon Song" is somewhat captivating but it also feels like it was stitched together from a bunch of old blues numbers. Now "Thank You" I've never liked. It starts like it means business but then gets pretentious, boring and generic very quickly (despite, again, great musicianship). In a word - the album is patchy and for every amazing riff-rocker ("Heartbreaker") there is an uneventful drum solo ("Moby Dick") or an old blues cover that sounds like it was recorded under water ("Bring It On Home"). 

Best song: "Whole Lotta Love"

5. Physical Graffiti (1975)

Physical Graffiti is a story of two halves. It is obviously a powerhouse of an album that offers very little respite (which may be the reason why I have always loved the short instrumental "Bron-Yr-Aur" so much - Page was a brilliant acoustic guitar player). It is one pounding rocker after another, and at some point it becomes a little exhausting (which may be the reason why the second part of this double album has never stuck in my memory and remained one big blur). Still, there is enough great material here to make it worth your while. The slide-guitar infested epic "In My Time Of Dying" is paranoid and gripping. "The Rover" is one of their most effective rockers. And "Kashmir" never loses its mystical, Eastern-tinged power. I just wished there was a little more subtlety to the end of this album.

Best song: "The Rover"

4. Houses Of The Holy (1973)

Their most diverse album and the only one that has a sense of humour. Houses Of The Holy has it all, from reggae to folk rock to funk to majestic balladry to synth-based sinister goth epic. And yet it all sounds like prime Led Zeppelin. The album starts beautifully, with three memorable songs that almost deceive you into thinking this could be their songwriting peak. Sadly, they misfire with the funked up (but mercifully short) "The Crunge" but then quickly recover with the second side which is mostly all great. And that includes, yes, the ridiculous reggae-fied single "D'yer Mak'er" which is criminally catchy and an absolute delight. Still, the following "No Quarter" pretty much destroys everything else here: it is menacing, beautifully built and puts unforgettable images into your head. Those of dark knights, lonely fields and centuries-old Gothic castles. I have always loved that Hipgnosis cover, too. 

Best song: "No Quarter"

3. Led Zeppelin III (1970)

I still think sometimes that this is their best album. Melodically, they would never beat the striking folk melodies of "Tangerine", "That's The Way", "Friends", etc. There is also something remarkably unpretentious about Led Zeppelin's third album and besides, I've always loved Jimmy Page the acoustic guitar player. The big classic was, of course, the seven-minute blues epic "Since I've Been Loving You", and deservedly so. It has that smoky late-night vibe that just gets under your skin in the nicest way possible. There's that bubbling intensity, the clever build-up and those beautiful organ runs that hold it all together. But, really, it is all good, with the incredibly murky and unmelodic "Hats Off To (Roy) Harper" being the only real letdown. What a confused and confusing ending to such a special album.

Best song: "Since I've Been Loving You"

2. Led Zeppelin I (1968)

They arrived fully formed. I don't exactly love this one more than the third album, but there is something in me that folds under the pressure of the four song run that starts this album. That stuff is unimpeachable, to the extent where you won't even care who they were ripping off here. They owned these melodies, they made them their own. "Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You" is pure perfection, from the gentle acoustic opening to those classic Robert Plant outbursts that never sound obnoxious or overbearing. The rest of the album can't hope to reach those heights but "Black Mountain Side" is a beautiful acoustic guitar workout from Page, "Communication Breakdown" is a great rock'n'roll explosion and "How Many More Times" is a powerful hard blues epic that brings the whole thing to a close.

Best song: "Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You"

1. Led Zeppelin IV (1971)

Well, it was always the fourth one, wasn't it? 

While not perfect (Led Zeppelin never made a perfect album, and if I had to put a number on it, I would say this one gets a "9.5"), the Untitled LP is still the one. Somehow it all came together in 1971, and the usually uneven songwriting matched the consistently excellent musicianship. So what keeps it from being perfect? Two things, really. "Misty Mountain Hop" and "Four Sticks" - but even those are good driving rock songs (if a little oversimplistic). And as for the rest of it... well, this is some of the greatest rock music in existence.

Best song: "Going To California" (I mean, not really, but come on)