Thursday, 7 December 2017

Noel vs. Liam

Since I love writing about the Gallagher brothers, and since they keep pushing this rivalry as if anyone cares, and since they've just released their albums in disgusting succession, I'm genuinely interested to see who wins this one out. 

The referee blows the whistle, reluctantly. Game on.

1. "Fort Knox" vs. "Wall Of Glass"

Noel is trying something different here, Liam is going through the motions. Both moderately convincing. A tie. 

Noel 1 Liam 1

2. "Holy Mountain" vs. "Bold"

"Holy Mountain" is annoying but seriously catchy. "Bold" is an acoustic guitar based song that Liam's laptop could write in a minute. 

Noel 2 Liam 1

3. "Keep On Reaching" vs. "Greedy Soul"

"Keep On Reaching" is hilariously overproduced like everything else on the album, but still good. Liam rhymes 'six' with 'crucifix'. 

Noel 3 Liam 1

4. "It's A Beautiful World" vs. "Paper Crown"

Noel's song is vapid and soulless. Liam's song could be a Lennon d-side. 

Noel 3 Liam 2

5. "She Taught Me How To Fly" vs. "For What It's Worth"

Again, I applaud Noel for his attempt to be adventurous, and his song is okay, but denying "For What It's Worth" here would be like denying the entire existence of Oasis. I'm not going that far. 

Noel 3 Liam 3

6. "Be Careful What You Wish For" vs. "When I'm In Need"

Noel is intriguing here, Liam is painfully derivative. 

Noel 4 Liam 3

7. "Black & White Sunshine" vs. "You Better Run"

Both rotten, Liam's slightly less so.

Noel 4 Liam 4

8. "Interlude (Wednesday Part 1)" vs. "I Get By"

That's a lovely interlude actually, but not enough to score. "I Get By" is rubbish. 'Only love can break my heart...' Seriously, Liam?

Noel 4 Liam 4

9. "If Love Is The Law" vs. "Chinatown"

"Chinatown" is half-decent, "If Love Is The Law" is not.

Noel 4 Liam 5

10. "The Man Who Built The Moon" vs. "Come Back To Me"

Whenever I listen to Noel, I get the feeling that there's a good songwriter there trying to break through every rock cliche known to humanity. He pulls it off here, barely. "Come Back To Me" is not a good song.

Noel 5 Liam 5

11. "End Credits (Wednesday Part 2)" vs. "Universal Gleam"

No points.

Noel 5 Liam 5

12. "Dead In The Water" (bonus) vs. "All I've Need"

It's a brittle acoustic piece from Noel, and it's no great shakes, but Liam has literally nothing to say here.

Noel 6 Liam 5

Noel edges it. Having said that, Who Built The Moon?* is one of the worst album titles ever, so perhaps I should have disqualified it from the start and not wasted sixty-five minutes of my life listening to these two hopelessly mediocre albums.  

*It's been pointed out to me that Noel's album is, in fact, called not Who Invented The Moon? but Who Built The Moon? Which, I'm sorry to say, does not change anything. Still woeful. The album name has now been fixed, finally.