A girl sitting a few stools away from me said to her date: "There are three things in life that make me happy: white wine, jogging and stand-up comedians". This happened in a cocktail bar, five or six years ago. I liked the idea. I liked the shape of it. I liked the way she was holding her Manhattan glass while saying that. What I could not accept was the essence of what she said. By that time, I had gone off white wine completely and in some Californian winery two summers ago I had to spit it out in horror and disgust. Jogging, unlike running, never made sense to me. Not even when I did it. But by far the biggest issue I had with the girl's statement was to do with stand-up comedians. I had no time for them back then, and I do not care for them now.
You see, I like jokes. I just do not like it when someone tells them to me. The idea of someone deliberately trying to make me laugh disgusts me. I wince when someone tells me about a bar and whoever walks into it.
I guess my major problem is how unnatural it all is. A person is there on the stage thinking of ways to impress me - worse, they do that with pre-written jokes and scripted facial expressions. And the person is trying so hard that you do not want to see them fail. When they do, you feel like it was you who told the bad joke. And I do not mean to say that the joke is always bad. While I have seen cringe-worthy stand-up acts which did not make me smile once, I could on occasion be reduced to wild tears of laughter. It is just that I do not think it is worth the risk.
There is no question that I could watch Black Books a hundred times and still find the whole thing hilarious beyond reason. Dylan Moran's stand-up performances, however, rarely move me (and Dylan Moran is among the very best out there). They do have good jokes worthy of any great scene with Bernard and Manny, but the situation is so contrived and artificial that even the obligatory glass of red wine cannot save it. Mind you, stand-up comedy is rarely quite as bad as someone telling you a fucking joke at the dinner table. It might actually be good - the problem is, I do not want to hear it.
Do joke, by all means - sense of humour is sometimes all that matters. Just do not make a show of it. Make it subtle, make it in a way that would feel natural. I always liked the story about how Christopher Hitchens would come to a party and not leave the house until he made a pass at everyone in the building. He did that by talking to people, charming them with the tone of his voice, by joking. He never tried to make them laugh, though. He just did.
