Despite the fact that 2023 was an exceptional year in terms of film releases, these three get an unquestionable thumbs down.
Wonka (2023)
I don't like musicals, Oompa Loompas and Timothée Chalamet.
Speaking of Oompa Loompas, they were one of Roald Dahl's more questionable creations, and I am not sure anyone can adapt them for screen in a way that would not make my skin crawl. Tim Burton's 2005 take failed, and this version from Paul King (who made the excellent Paddington) is hardly an improvement. Overall both versions are okay, but whereas I do not mind a hammy Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka, I just find Timothée Chalamet impossibly dull. He was somewhat amusing in his brief role in Don't Look Up, but his range is mostly limited to the vaguely mysterious pout of Call Me By Your Name.
This is not a bad film, and parts of it are rather entertaining, but with three major ingredients being so unpalatable, I stood no chance here.
Saltburn (2023)
Well, I laughed.
The most divisive film of 2023 turned out to be unintentionally hilarious. At some point during or after the grave-humping scene, I actually thought this was all just a comedy and I had been had. Almost everything about this film seems fake and uncertain of itself. No rhythm, no conviction (despite a few strong performances), and the whole thing just falls apart during its third act.
There are bits and pieces that threaten to work as unsubtle, in-your-face satire (eat the rich and the rest of it), and it is wrong to criticise a picture for having just negative characters, but I need a little more than a couple of revolting scenes and an improbable resolution to stay with me after watching a film. Come to think of it, even The Riot Club was a more satisfying experience.
Barbie (2023)
Again, there are parts of this film that I found okay (not least the much lauded comic turn from Ryan Gosling), but mostly this was shallow fluff with an ending so trite I regretted those two hours of my life I would never get back. There are maybe three funny jokes here, everything else is just coloured in pink.
A student of mine has recently said to me that she thought Taylor Swift was actually a wrong person to be named by Time magazine as the person of the year. According to her, they should have gone for Barbie. A scary thought. One, though, that is very difficult to dispute.
