So often at various
concerts I end up thinking about opening acts. Whereas it would be so much
easier not to think about them at all: bland, forgettable, underwhelming, do
they really merit a serious consideration?.. I guess Tigers Jaw were the best
opening band I’ve seen (supporting The Menzingers a couple of years back), and
that’s not because they were any good. It’s because everyone around was singing
along to “Plane vs Tank vs Submarine”.
Upstaging the main
act is nigh impossible, of course. It’s like stealing voters at the polling
station. You have to convert a thousand hard-nosed, intensely indifferent agnostics for whom you are merely an annoying
distraction. A fucking fly.
And the oddest thing
about opening acts is that they all try to be good. To play their songs well.
To pave the insipid way for the act we have all come to see. To be loved. The
trouble is – nobody cares. Honestly – why would I care about four good-looking
guys playing good-sounding soft rock (or whatever) and even having the
depressing effrontery to introduce each member of the band by their name? Come
on now.
What I’ve come to realise
over the years is that an opening act can’t impress with the songs. Even if the
songs are genuinely good (no one will even find out, will they?). Live, unknown
songs by unknown bands are simply irrelevant. In fact, it would make so much
more sense if they just threw a drum kit into the audience or set the stage on
fire. At the very least – they would be noticed.
