Since watching
Eurovision sober is an act impossible and totally unheard of, one should
consider the drinks that go with it.
First of all, don’t
drink champagne, not even if your country wins. Because that would mean you
actually cared, and that’s a travesty in itself.
Whisky? Only if you
are feeling desperate, and while we are all feeling desperate during Eurovision – there
should be limits to your desperation.
Vodka likewise. The
only situation in which you are allowed to drink vodka during Eurovision is if
the count of bland ballads with no melody
whatsoever at all gets to twelve (high probability actually). Then you
might as well get aced out of your mind – because what the hell has this world
come to?..
Brandy? Posh. Don’t
be posh during Eurovision, it’s not that
kind of thing.
I would also advise
against wine. Red wine, white wine, rose wine – don’t do that. Even the
cheapest sort would seem smug and pretentious and you don’t want to make a fool
of yourself (because you have already done that – by watching Eurovision).
Beer? Yes, beer makes
sense. Beer and cheap cider should do it, really, anything else would simply
ruin the great social experiment that Eurovision is.
P.S. Well, on second
thoughts… Maybe a very small glass of wine if someone has a good song. Which is… well, you know… just not going
to happen.
