Tuesday, 19 May 2015

What to drink during Eurovision

Since watching Eurovision sober is an act impossible and totally unheard of, one should consider the drinks that go with it.

First of all, don’t drink champagne, not even if your country wins. Because that would mean you actually cared, and that’s a travesty in itself.

Whisky? Only if you are feeling desperate, and while we are all feeling desperate during Eurovision – there should be limits to your desperation.

Vodka likewise. The only situation in which you are allowed to drink vodka during Eurovision is if the count of bland ballads with no melody whatsoever at all gets to twelve (high probability actually). Then you might as well get aced out of your mind – because what the hell has this world come to?..

Brandy? Posh. Don’t be posh during Eurovision, it’s not that kind of thing.

I would also advise against wine. Red wine, white wine, rose wine – don’t do that. Even the cheapest sort would seem smug and pretentious and you don’t want to make a fool of yourself (because you have already done that – by watching Eurovision).

Beer? Yes, beer makes sense. Beer and cheap cider should do it, really, anything else would simply ruin the great social experiment that Eurovision is. 

P.S. Well, on second thoughts… Maybe a very small glass of wine if someone has a good song. Which is… well, you know… just not going to happen.